Why Women Win Fights
by FaithfullyFallen417
Summary: Women have this gift to make a small tic tack of a comment into a ticking timebomb and here is the reason why... A small drabble written to brighten up anyones day. Rated High Teen
1. Chapter 1

**A/N- Hey all, just a short drabble based off of the funny guy Dane Cook. This is probably one of my favorite sketches from him and I thought. Let me turn it into a Fitchel drabble. So enjoy this easy laugh fic and Gardens of the Night and Girl in the Striped Pajamas will be updated tonight. Like I said, this is the best Dane Cook sketch and it is so true. So when your done reading this fic and you have never seen it. Youtube Dane Cook Why Women Win Fights.**

**Why Women Win Fights**

There they were again, fighting about…well Finn honestly forgot what they were fighting about. But he was screaming at Rachel and she was screaming at him. Now Finn was a nice guy, respected his girlfriend, but like every normal couple they fought. It couldn't be all rainbows and butterflies all the time and plus the makeup sex was like fucking amazing. But here they where, in their nice little apartment in New York, yelling at each other about…well once again Finn forgot but Rachel didn't.

"Finn, it's seriously not that hard for you to go to the drug store and pick up tampons ok! I didn't ask for depends that's adult diapers, I asked for Tampons Finn!" Rachel chastised

"Well I'm sorry that both packages where pink, they looked the same!" He defended. "And who sends their boyfriend to get tampons anyway!"

Rachel rolled her eyes and folded her arms across her chest. "The kinda girlfriend who's boyfriend used up her last box to see if he could stick it in a beer bottle and make a bomb outta it Finn!"

"Well it was Puck's idea!" Finn said and Rachel just scoffed

"If Puck told you to jump off a bridge would you?"

Finn mentally laughed, that was a stupid idea but he had to think up a good comeback. "Well if there was water below it then yeah I would."

Rachel's body langue changed, she stepped out of her stance and then shifted her body weight to one leg, popping one hip out and cocking her head to the right. Her hands went to her face and she got this smile on her face. "You know what Finn, your right I should have never sent you to get me Tampons, I guess it is a woman's job after all since we are the ones that have to deal with it. And your totally right about Puck to, I mean seriously the two of you have the brightest ideas, really."

Finn smiled, he had won the fight he had never won the fight. But little did he know that Rachel was about get all ninja on him. She turned around on her heel and walked to the kitchen but then she stopped, looked around her shoulder and said. "You know, you are so stupid just like your Uncle." And with that she walked into the kitchen and Finn just smiled. Was that the best she could come up with, seriously he was gonna be in charge in bed tonight.

But as Finn sat down to watch the game Rachel's little tic tak of a comment was really starting to play out in his head. "Stupid like my Uncle," he said with a laugh as he took a sip of his beer. "That's the best she could do? Stupid like my Uncle…" he gave a hearty laugh and sat back in his chair, wait a second…Finn straightened up. "My Uncle was a brilliant man!" he yelled. "You don't even know!"

Now Finn was fuming again, that little comment, that small tiny little comment had really, like seriously pissed him off. Now he wanted to fight again, like really get back at her. So he got up from his chair and paced the living room floor, trying to find the kitchen. He had totally forgotten the layout of his own home. He opened up one door, stepped in and then stepped out. "Coat closet." He growled. "Were the hell is the kitchen?" so after a two minute quest to find the kitchen, he finally did. Now mind you, the apartment was a two bed room one bath so yea Finn was that mad. But there was Rachel, sitting in the kitchen, drinking her honey and tea. She looked up from her cup, cocked an eyebrow and sweetly said. "Yes Finn?"

Finn was red, he was about to say something but then he realized that one his way from the living room to the kitchen he hadn't thought of anything to say. So like any guy in his situation, he just swore a lot and pointed out the obvious.

"So that's what your gonna do? Your just gonna sit there and drink your fuckin tea? Your just gonna sit there and be like slurping on your tea huh? The tea and the honey?" He was going on a downwards spiral now. "Oh look I'm Rachel and I sit and drink my tea and honey like some sorta tea and honey drinker." He said as he waved his hands spatially around. "Who bought your tea Rachel huh? Who bought the god damn tea?"

Rachel shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know Finn, who bought the tea?" She answered in a calm cool voice

"I'll tell you who bought the tea! I bought the fuckin tea all this tea is mine! Every single box is mine!" He shouted, he seriously looked like a crazy man right now. "Mine! Mine! Mine! You know, when I was a kid and I asked my Uncle to by me some tea you know what he would do? He would get me some god damn tea! You wanna know why?"

"Enlighten me Finn" Rachel said

He exploded. "BECAUSE MY UNCLE WAS A BRILLENT MAN!" he took a deep breath and turned around and then back to her. "YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW!"

Rachel just rolled her eyes at his little fit. "Would you like some tea Finn?"

He took a deep breath. "Hell no, I don't want any tea, I hate tea. I'm going to go watch the game." And with that he walked back into the living room and sat down on his chair. Rachel still sat in the kitchen with a smile on her face. She took her phone out of her pocket and texted Santana.

'Won again, Rachel-3 Finn-0' pressed send and put it back into her pocket. She really did love to argue with her boyfriend.


	2. Car Alarm

**A/N- Yes another one, idk why but I can just seriously see Finn doing something like this. The next one might be ATM machine or Drowning Sucks, you choose. If you do not know, this skit is actually from the great mind that is Dane Cook I just made it fit Glee. And sadly I do not own either!**

**Car Alarm**

Finn Hudson really hated his neighbor, he like seriously did. First off, the dude was a giant D-bag cause her was always hitting on Rachel and he knew all too well that Rachel was Finn's girl and he was always coming to their door for something. He would give theses lame excuses to talk to Rachel and Rachel being the girl that she was, would give him the time of day saying that he was just lonely and needed someone to talk to. But Rachel didn't see the way that their neighbor looked at her, cause she was a girl and stuff, but Finn knew what was going on in that guys mind. But what he hated the most about his neighbor John was that he had this stupid new car and the alarm would go off like every single stinkin' night. So Finn would lay in their king size bed, he arms wrapped around Rachel, about to finally doze off when BAM that stupid little freakin' car would go off. Rachel would moan, rolled over and stick ear plugs in her ears and fall back asleep but for Finn, it wasn't that easy. That car was out to get him, he just knew it. He covered his ears with the pillow as the loud sound would seep through the walls and into his brain, driving him insane.

This would last for a good 45 minutes then it would stop, but this was going on every night for the past week and he couldn't sleep because of the noise that was keeping him awake. So he got up off the bed and walked around the apartment, he had a song to write for his band and the alarm was really starting to inspire him, (he really like the Neeenuuuu part a lot) so he wrote a tune called car alarm. Finally, the alarm had stopped and Finn yawned, becoming tired and walked back into the room and fell asleep. Thinking about ways to torture John in the morning, he figured a bucket of mop water on his head would be hysterical.

**The next Night**

"I fuckin hate John," Finn mumbled once again for that annoying alarm was going off again. "I mean he doesn't even drive the damn thing."

Rachel snuggled into his chest and just sighed. "Baby, just get some sleep and ignore it."

Psh, if it was only that easy. Finn figured that it would stop in the next 45 minutes but it didn't and Finn was planning John's murder. But then he remembered the song that he wrote about the alarm so he stood up on the end, as naked as the day he was born, and began to sing on the top of his lungs:

"Hellooooo, I am a caaarrrrrr, gasoline- makes- me- run, Back seaaat, trunk space."

Rachel, by now of course, was up, looking at her boyfriend in such a strange way. "Finn, what the hell are you going?"

But Finn didn't hear her cause he was still singing. ", Hellooooooo, let's go for a riddddeeee!, Oil-is-my-blood, seatbeltttss, radio nobbbbs."

Rachel tried to contain her laughter but she found it impossible to do. When he ended the song he sat back down on the bed and she crawled over to him. "So babe, what did you think about the song?"

Rachel just giggled and kissed him. "It's better than My Head Band." She said and kissed him again. Finn smiled into it and laid her back on the bed, he knew that his girlfriend was way louder than any stupid car alarm. And just as Finn was about to have round three with his girl friend, there was a loud knock on the door. He tried to ignore it but it was totally destroying the mood. So he pulled his boxers back on and smiled at the pout on Rachel's face.

"I'll be back in just a sec babe." He told her and went to answer the door, surprisingly it was John and he was wearing these weird silk pajama deal.

"Hudson, do you mind not singing at three am in the morning? You are ruing my beauty sleep!" John yelled as he attempted to sneek a peek at Rachel but she was in the other room.

"Dude seriously, do you hear you fuckin car? Next time it goes off, I swear I will pull a Carrie Underwood and the only way I know about that is because that chick is awesome!" Finn gave him a sneer. "And stop trying to get with my girlfriend or I will have the whole NYU football team after you, we clear?"

John nodded.

"Then good, get the hell off my welcome mat." Finn growled and watched as he scurried off. He smiled as he slammed the door. "Hey babe, did you do you deep breathing cause I know a way we can piss John off even more!"


	3. Drowning Sucks

**Drowning Sucks**

It was a hot day in August in Lima Ohio, the summer was drawing to an end and Finn and Rachel went back home to see some family, and to introduce their friends to little Stella Berry-Hudson. Finn and Rachel's pride and joy. But what Finn was really looking forward to was Puck and Quinn's annual pool party, he like getting super smashed and reliving memories from their high school life. But what Finn really hated was their demon child of a son Joel, who somehow inherited both Puck and Quinn's evil-ness. There was no way in hell that Joel was ever going to date his daughter in the future, Finn was the shot gun kinda dad.

So there they where, the family of three sitting on the deck at Quinn and Noah's house and Finn was more board then usual. Quinn and Rachel had been talking about life in New York and Quinn was gushing over how beautiful 5 month old Stella was. He didn't get how girls could just sit in the heat and not sweat their balls off…well they didn't even have the balls to sweat off so yeah. Finn stood up from his seat and dipped a toe in the pool, with a satisfied smirk; he decided that he was going to jump in. He waltzed over to the diving board and yelled for his wife's attention.

"Hey, hey!" He yelled. "Hey Baby! Look, watch!" He yelled with arms waving everywhere. "Watch my dive! Watch my dive!"

Rachel's face turned a deep red, she didn't just have one child oh no, she had two.

"Babe! Are you watching?" Finn yelled as he crawled onto the diving board.

Rachel face palmed, she was so embarrassed right now. "I'm watching Finn!"

Finn nodded like an excited five year old and tried his best to stand, but he never got up because he slipped off the board and into the pool. The one thing Finn didn't like was the sinking feeling, his mind reeled. Oh sweet cheesus, he was drowning! So he desperately flapped his arms and almost made it to the surface but he was trapped under the kid with the raft, so he moved it away and broke surface, taking a deep breath. He pointed an accusing finger at the kid on the raft. It was Joel, of course it was Joel, the kid did have it out for him after all.

"Jesus Christ Joel!" He yelled, but angry this time. "Do not float above me when I am dying in the abyss!"

Finn swam over to the edge and sat up onto the concrete, he turned to yell at Quinn and Puck. "Your son almost killed me with his daffy duck raft over there Puck! Your son tried to murder me in your pool!"

Rachel and Quinn covered their mouths as they laughed at his little outburst, Joel was laughing to and getting closer to Finn glared at him like he was the plague. "Float away from me from me…float away!" He hissed. "And you got a thing or two coming to you if you think you are going to date my daughter!" He crossed his arms. "Demon spawn."

**A/N- So truth is, Cory is a funny guy! I was watching a interview with him and was just cracking up! I had to after the earthquake that freaked the hell outta me today. We don't get them here on the east coast that's why everyone was freaking. So who else felt that rumble this afternoon?**


End file.
